When problems come....

I was in very bad mood, and was struggled a lot in my own problems for quite some long times. The funny part was, I have tried to make myself cool down, and tried very hard to figure out what was going wrong actually so things lead to went wrong. I thought I was already cool down, but actually my temper raised some more, thanks for my stubbornness. haha.

And because of I was too concerned about my situation, until I started to close down every door in my life, not allowing peoples come in and even God. Although I didn’t forgot to tell God about everything, but I too sad to hear n see Him. I felt very very, extremely lonely that time, cause seemingly God also hiding from me. Until one day, I really cannot take it and cry to God asking Him why, why He so quiet when I need Him the most, why He didn’t answer my questions…..why…why…but what I got then was only silence. And a dream. There’re broken rainbow showings in the night time. If you know me well then you should know rainbow is so meaningful to me, it has represent the promise of God. From that moment on I was like giving up everything, expect no one could understand and help me.

Then, I live life as usual. Every night I cry myself hiding down under my blanket, kept all the anger and sadness by myself. Ya, I am not happy because I can’t forgive and forget for something what peoples has done to me. There’re very tired and tough times, fighting to my heart everyday to prevent doing silly things. After some other days, I was in Sunday praise celebration; don’t know why my tears jus fall uncontrollable, then, my Pastor said, maybe nobody could understand how sad our story but God does. Some area just too hard to forgive but God knows everything. (slightly different a bit)

I didn’t think too much on it actually while the Pastor was talking. But it’s enough to move me to make another prayer to God. I asked God helps to forgive and forget the person, cause I can’t do it by myself, and I determine continue to care and love the person. After that I could forget slowly the hurts and pain the matter it’s bring, of cause still I would have a little worry what if I get hurt once again. But I chose to surrender all up to God who cares.

Until last night, something that I couldn’t understand suddenly make clear it’s own. Have you ever read Psalm13:1-2? it said:”O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart everyday? ” Even faithful and godly King David has written this, sometimes felt that God was absent. The greater our troubles, the farther away God sometimes seem to be. But God actually didn’t really giving up on King David. I used to think God has also giving up on me, but that is just what I think, what I feel. The truth is feeling could lies.

Have any one else seen rainbow in the dark sky before. That is impossible. Through reflecting the light of sun and the waters in clouds only rainbow show. But then I have seen, the promise of God. Even no sunlight, the problems come, God has promised that He will not leave us. When I revise my mailbox, only I found the answer that I looking for was actually there, just I didn’t realize and too focus on the my situation.

I am so thankful because God is God, who is always gentle and love. Never giving up on me. When problems come, tell the problems that we have God in our life instead of telling the problems are too hard to us. Then slowly you would see things started to change.

JOYed by D 45 at 8:07 PM